Couples often fight for the pettiest reasons. If you’ve been through a relationship patch where you fought over the littlest things, say, about placing the lid on a peanut butter jar, then this might be for you. In this section, we will be talking about the golden rules to improve communication.
Before realizing the importance of communication, I just thought that I’ll keep on saying what I need to say–that’s the point of marriage right? When I just tactlessly say hurtful words out of nowhere, that’s being myself…right? Or wrong?
Is that the “self” I want to be? This is why I stopped carelessly using my words and started being more careful with what I am saying, and how I am saying it.
Although my husband is patient and not sensitive to words, he still appreciates every effort I make to use kind words with him.
I hope these golden nuggets of lessons would also help you improve communication and possibly save your marriage. It certainly helped make mine better and more smooth sailing!
Rule # 1: Say it how you’d like to hear it
Want to improve communication in your relationship? Then you need to apply the golden rule. Say it how you’d like to hear it. In human relations, all types of communication have three different parts:
- Content – the idea of what you want to say
- Form – the way you said it
- Use – the purpose of saying it
Now, I’d like to focus on form. You may have the same type of content in what you’re saying, but the form can greatly affect how the message comes across. This is why you want to be more mindful of your form. You need to say your words the way you’d like to hear them yourself. Instead of saying “Can you shut up?” you could say “Honey, I’m trying to rest, can you please hush a little bit?”. They basically convey the same idea, but they elicit a different response.
Rule # 2: Say what you mean, and mean what you say
Another thing about communication is integrity. Integrity means being true to your word and saying things that you really mean. When you use expletives and demeaning statements, do you really mean it? Or are you exaggerating because of heightened emotions?
This is why you should say what you mean and mean what you say. Additionally, integrity also comes in keeping true about your promises and agreements. It’s better not to promise anything if you cannot deliver because disappointment breeds mistrust.
Rule # 3: Let your tongue be tamed by the Spirit
The Bible says that the reckless tongue is like a sword that pierces hearts (Proverbs 12:18). This means that it has the power to speak life or spit out hate. Do you want to be someone who gives joy in your marriage, or do you want to be somebody who keeps on bringing negativity?
In other words, let your tongue be tamed by the Holy Spirit, and pause when you need to. It is better to keep silent than saying reckless words. Anything you say cannot be taken back.
Improve your communication: Do your part
Do you want to save your marriage? Then keep these three golden rules of communication close to your heart. It may be easier said than done, but it can definitely help you improve communication. Save Your Marriage course has helped many couples survive the problems that seem insurmountable.
Deep-seated issues
Are you suffering from deeper issues that go beyond communication problems? Maybe you need some help in doing a step-by-step strategy to solve the problems in your marriage or relationship. We can help. Just let us know.
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