Hey. I have a question for you. When was the last time you felt butterflies thinking about your partner? Yesterday? Last week? Last month? I hope it’s not last year. Do you still consider yourself now as an intimate couple?
You see, intimacy is a common problem for most long-term relationships.
Your relationship will start with a bang, but it may end up with a fizzle. What happened to the exhilarating feelings you felt when you things were still an intimate couple?
Perhaps life got in the way. Perhaps things just got old. Or maybe you were bored.
But this doesn’t have to be the case in your relationship.
I admit: I wasn’t the sweetest person with my husband especially when life’s stresses get in the way.
However, I learned to become more intimate with him by carrying some mindsets that helped out our relationship.
And I want to share them with you.
Previously, I talked about communication and how important it is as a foundation of your relationship.
If you want to know how you can communicate better, read this. This Communication Guide by Joseph helped me SO MUCH in understanding how I can get my point across without harming my relationship with husband.
Now, I am going to talk about intimacy, and how you should create a mindset to help you become a more intimate couple.
How to be a more intimate couple
Give freely, give constantly
We always have disappointments and frustrations, don’t we?
We always think that there’s a need that our partner can’t fulfill.
“He’s so irresponsible!” “I wish she did more of this/that!”
If you constantly think this way, I have a diagnosis for you: It’s called Entitlelistis!
You may be feeling entitled all the time about your relationship, that you forget to give.
In case you are forgetting, we are commanded to give because there is already Someone who gave it all for us. John 15:12 says,
When we give in love, we don’t ask for anything in return. We just give because we love.
Now, I have a question.
Do you give just because you want something in return, or do you give because you love?
It makes all the difference between a person who begrudgingly gives, and those who give freely.
Receive and be appreciative
Ever wonder why those words rhyme? It’s probably because they go well together when it comes to relationships!
When we receive sweet gestures from our partner, we should receive it with grace.
This means taking away the annoying way of speaking, or the passive-aggressiveness when our partner asks for our forgiveness.
“Oh my, thank goodness you asked!” “Yes, I forgive you, but I’m still angry!”
Don’t extend the feelings of hurt and anger in your relationship.
How can you become a more intimate couple?
When something is given to you, receive and be appreciative.
There’s no token to love
As a kid, I would often get excited with the thought of going to arcades.
I would excitedly go to the counter and exchange my money with for game tokens.
I’ll try my best to use my tokens to play, but when I run out of them, I know the game is over.
You see, my friends, this is not the way to love.
Don’t use your gestures as a currency to your relationship.
There is no currency. Keeping tabs will only give grudges in your heart especially when you feel like your exchange isn’t equal.
The truth is, you’ll go crazy keeping records of everything you do for him, and what he does for you.
What you have to do is to give your best, and hope for the best. That’s what love is all about.
Are you ready to be an intimate couple?
Keep these mindsets in practice. As an additional guide, I encourage you to read this book by Pia Melody. It has helped many couples get through rough patches in reconnecting with each other.
In her first book in over 10 years, Pia Mellody—author of the groundbreaking bestsellersFacing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction—shares her profound wisdom on what it takes to sustain true intimacy and trusting love in our most vital relationships.
Drawing on more than 20 years’ experience as a counselor at the renowned Meadows Treatment Centre in Arizona, Mellody now shares what she has learned about why intimate relationships falter—and what makes them work. Using the most up–to–date research and real-life examples, including her own compelling personal journey, Mellody provides readers with profoundly insightful and practical ground rules for relationships that achieve and maintain joyous intimacy.
This invaluable resource helps diagnose the causes of faulty relationships—many of them rooted in childhood—and provides tools for readers to heal themselves, enabling them to establish and maintain healthy relationships.
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