Marriage is a rollercoaster ride, isn’t it? One moment you feel happy and blessed about your union, and then you can’t stand your partner’s face on the next instance. Even more so, you find yourself searching for ways on how to stop arguing with spouse. The frustration never seems to end!
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As a married woman (with a baby in tow), I can relate to the seemingly quick shifts about what we can feel about our spouses. We often find ourselves in petty (and sometimes serious) arguments about different things, but I realized that the disagreements we have aren’t as important as our strategies to patch things up.
The whole point of marriage is not to find ways on how to stop arguing with spouse, but rather, find ways to resolve each conflict, and possibly lessen them. Here’s a truth bomb: You will never come to a point where you’ll never argue. There is no perfect marriage.
[Special] How To Stop Arguing With Spouse: Save Your Marriage
Sometimes arguments can go to a point where your marriage will feel like it’s on a demise. Thankfully, there are ways to reverse this problem, even if you feel like you’re the only one who wants the problem fixed. In this video by relationship expert Lee Baucom, he provides actionable advice on how to stop arguing with spouse, and ultimately save your marriage.
My marriage isn’t as long as other people yet, but allow me to share some things that helped us argue less and resolve more conflict as a couple.
How To Stop Arguing With Spouse: 4 Effective Ways
Process the change that comes with the arguments.
Oftentimes, you notice that arguments increase when there is a gradual or drastic change in your married life. Many people find themselves arguing with spouse after baby, or arguing with spouse about money. Many life changes can cause chronic stress, and this tends to cause an overall change of situations and reactions towards things.
In order to lessen or stop the arguments related to life changes, you first need to identify what these changes are. It could be:
- A career shift or income change
- Different household dynamics (such as long-distance relationship)
- A new baby
- Disease or disability
- Loss of loved ones
- Moving to a new location
These and other major life shifts can often be the culprit of stress, which leads to arguments. By simply being aware and understanding where you and your spouse’s hot-headedness, anxiety, or other issues, you can come from a place of compassion.
[Special] How to stop arguing with spouse: Anger and stress management
Anger and Stress Management God’s Way
There are countless self-help books that deal with stress, but rare are books that help us to handle stress in a godly way. Experienced and internationally respected biblical counselor Wayne Mack shows how to apply God’s Word to finding true and authoritative help, explaining principles that can be adopted for lasting positive change. Includes study questions and evaluation materials. Find in Amazon.
Ask, “Is it worth it?”
Another strategy that proves to be effective in my own marriage is learning how to choose my battles when it comes to disagreements. I love being organized and I like the feeling that all things should be in a designated place. Needless to say, my husband is the opposite and finds peace in an “organized chaos“.
In the earlier years, this is the cause of my frustration and I often get worked up trying to make him pick up his laundry, wash the dishes, or even get his documents fixed. I was arguing with spouse about chores. However, over coming years, I learned that being stressed about it won’t change the situation–I learned to cope instead. Instead of getting angry about his clothes on the floor, I realized that I am the one who has time to pick it up and put it in the laundry basket.
I learned that in marriage, I have about each argument: “Is it worth it? Will getting mad about this improve our marriage?”
My husband is a good man. He takes care of the big things, such as being a breadwinner, while I pick up the ‘minor’ kinks left behind and making sure that the household is proper and well. Thus, I learned to choose my battles.
Harness the power of listening.
We have always tried to define what ‘listening’ means, but do we really do it in actuality? The purpose of listening for improving your relationships is to listen with the goal of understanding.
However, many of us often listen in order to respond. We process the other person’s statements in order to make a snarky comeback, to contradict, to prove they are wrong, or to make our point stronger. However, when we listen to understand, it opens up more room for vulnerability, closeness, and compassion.
When your spouse says something during an argument, such as an explanation, try to listen with the goal of understanding. You will notice that your responses will become different, and conflicts diffuse easier when you listen to understand.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19. NIV).
Remember whose side you’re on
There will be days where you feel like you’re arguing with spouse daily, and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
In these moments, it is important to remember whose side you are on. You are not fighting with your spouse, your goal is to be a team and to weather life’s challenges together.
In a Christian standpoint, I realized that you can view arguments as ways to cause division, or to make you stronger. If you allow misunderstandings to tear you apart, realize that it is the enemy who is pleased with this, as his goal is to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). But when you use conflicts as a path to know each other’s point of view, likes and dislikes, as well as what their heart truly contains, you build your way to a stronger marriage.
So, every time you’re tempted to put up a fight, remember whose side you’re truly on.
I hope these tips help you out. Remember that resolving arguments may not be an overnight endeavor. With much understanding, prayers, and God-guided words and actions, you can hopefully lessen arguments and make your relationship stronger.
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