Having someone who loves you as much as you love them is one of the most magical moments in the world. Most of the time, God allows a person in your life to bless you and refine you, at the same time. Ever wonder how you can understand how to stop fighting with your boyfriend?
I personally experienced a different kind of refining, in character and perspective, through my boyfriend. I always thought that I was already good and that my character was at best. But God showed me that I still have characters in me that needs molding. And He used my boyfriend for me to realize that. God specifically pointed out to me that I need to learn how to be gentle and to have the quiet spirit that He admires (1 Peter 3:4), most especially in times of arguments and fights.
How to stop fighting with your boyfriend: Can arguments be resolved?
Ever wonder how you can stop fighting with your boyfriend? Sometimes, it is not about why you fight, but how you fight about it.
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Because of the differences of perspective and upbringings, fights and arguments in a relationship cannot be avoided. I and my boyfriend have intense fights wherein we reach a point where we say hurtful words that will definitely create scars in our hearts. These arguments show me that there are things in me that I need to work on.
I hate it when we fight. The time that we were supposed to bond, spend quality time together, and show our love for one another is wasted just because we can’t settle our differences. However, I thank God because He never fails to show, guide, and teach me ways on how to minimize arguments.
Pray Before You Act
Have you experienced that moment when you saw your boyfriend did something that made you mad? I did. There are times when my boyfriend does things that bothers me a lot. I mean, A LOT. It’s a moment where you try your very best not to get mad but it bothers you so much that you can’t help but tell him straight away, in a harsh and angry manner. Before, I respond that way. But now, I have observed that responding that way does not fix the problem.
Now, I’m learning to pray first before I act. Whenever I get bothered by what he did or what he said and I start to get mad, I pray first. I ask God for patience and to see His perspective in that circumstance. I know, it’s easier to just tell him immediately but remember that when we let our emotion control us, especially when the emotion is anger, the results can be devastating.
So, every time I feel bothered and want to address it to my boyfriend, I pray first and ask God for the right approach and right time to tell him. You can do that, too.
Calm Yourself and Plan Your Approach
After I pray, I give myself time to calm down and let my emotions mellow. I take this time to seek God’s thoughts about my concern and ask for scriptures that will speak to me. Reading the Bible and spending time in prayer is an effective way to put my mind in perspective regarding the situation. I then assess the root cause of why I am bothered and look at the situation objectively. Once I finish evaluating why I was bothered, I plan on how to communicate it with my boyfriend. This is one way to help you about how to stop fighting with your boyfriend.
I usually try to see his situation first to help me decide if bringing up the issue is wise and helpful. If he is busy or stressed at work, I choose not to tell him. But if I think that he is in a listening mode, I bring up my issue.
Remember, people tend to listen when you approach them calmly. So, being calm and planning your approach can help avoid a big fight with your boyfriend.
Communicate Clearly With Your Boyfriend
When the time comes I communicate with my boyfriend, I make sure that I do it in a calm manner and go straight to the point. For us, I learned that it is better to communicate the issue to him directly rather than telling him in bits and pieces.
If you are already calm and can tell your issue to your boyfriend in a gentle manner, make sure that you communicate your concern thoroughly. Tell him what bothers you and the reason why you are bothered. Men are straightforward beings and usually misses some details, so when you communicate, communicate the details to him. Tell him the scenario that made you uncomfortable. Put in mind that your purpose is not to put a blame on him but to communicate your concern and fix the problem together. Open communication is one way to deal on how to stop fighting with your boyfriend.
Have a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
When I look back at our fights before, I can say that I was not gentle and do not possess a quiet spirit. My attitude and mindset were to be the one who is always correct and the one who must be followed. However, God allowed a certain period in our relationship where I learned that what is important for a woman to have is a character that is gentle and kind.
This is an important trait if you want to know how to stop fighting with your boyfriend. Having a gentle and quiet spirit allows you both to talk about the issue and solve it peacefully. Remember that harsh words stir up anger but a gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). Being gentle and maintaining a quiet spirit is hard, but it goes a long way.
Choose to Understand
Most of the time, the reason why I and my boyfriend fight is because we fail to understand one another. I tend to think of myself first rather than being selfless and think about how the situation affects him. But I learned it in a hard way. Before, my aim was to show him that he is the one to blame and that I am the one who is right. But now, I ask the question first, “What if I was in his shoes?”
There is a great chance that you can avoid fighting your boyfriend if you choose to understand him and see where he is coming from. I know, there are situations that he needs to be the one who must choose to understand. If that is the case, choose to understand that he needs to learn to understand you. Remember that both of you are a work in progress and that both of you are journeying together to improve yourselves. So whenever you have an issue or concerns towards your boyfriend, always listen to his side and choose to understand. That’s what you want him to do too, right?
Fights and arguments are inevitable in a relationship. These situations, most of the time, are the venue where we can learn to relate and communicate better with one another. Don’t be dismayed whenever you and your boyfriend fight because there are ways on how to stop it. If ever you want to know how to stop fighting with your boyfriend, remember these things because it sure did help me.
Words by: Hannah Aloyon
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