You met someone. You know deep in your heart that the chemistry was there and sparks were everywhere. After months of knowing each other, you were friends who became lovers, eventually. And you know deep in your heart they were “the one”. Everything fits perfectly.
But you were wrong.
This didn’t go the way you planned. There were differences and forces that seem to lead you both to go on separate ways. You love them but you have to end the relationship. And just like that – Your lover became your ex. Sad but somehow, life is like that.
You tried to move on. But as you lived your life, one day at a time, the memories of you and your Ex flashes in your mind. The dilemma of choosing whether to move forward or stay in those happy moments torture you. But deep inside you know that those joyful moments with them is already finished and all you need to do is accept that the season with them is done.
I know it’s hard but let me tell you that God is sovereign and He has a wonderful plan for your life. You can move one, just like everybody else. Or maybe, you are already in the process of moving on but still experience those tricky times where you miss your ex so much that you want to drop everything and try to connect with them, even though you know that is not the right thing to do. Don’t worry, you are not alone.
You may start to ask, “What do I do when I miss my ex?” Well, I’m not an expert but let me tell you some practical ways on what to do when you miss your ex.
Ever wonder how you can get over your ex?
It’s not just Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and sappy love shows that can help you get over your ex. In fact, there is a way to find yourself, focus on other things, and be prepared again for the love you truly deserve.
There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, put down that pint of ice cream, log out of his email, and open this book to chapter one—and start turning your breakup into a
Acknowledge what you feel
Most of the people nowadays would tend to hide what they feel. They pretend to be strong even if deep inside, they are already so broken. Pretending won’t solve the problem.
If you miss your ex, you must acknowledge in yourself the reality that you do miss him. You don’t have to pretend that you don’t because missing someone that was a big part of your life is normal. When this happens, acknowledge how you feel. It would be easier to overcome and win a battle if you know who your battling with. This way, by acknowledging that you miss your ex, you already know what you are dealing with so it would be easier for you to find ways on how to fight it.
Set Your Boundaries
Once you acknowledge that you miss your ex, immediately set boundaries for yourself. There will come a time when the urge to message or call them would be so strong. Remember, the process of healing would start if you let go of the very thing that is causing your pain. If you try to make a connection with them, it is like allowing yourself to get hurt all over again.
So, better set boundaries that would help you stop yourself from doing things that you will regret. For example, when you have the urge to call them, ask yourself first, “Is this wise? Will it help me move one faster if we talk?” If the answer is no, then I suggest you don’t call them. Also, discipline yourself not to open their social media accounts. If you have to, you can lessen your social media time just to help you forget what you need to forget. You can also give yourself time to avoid people that would not help you in moving on.
Don’t get trapped in the past
Most of the time, the reason why we miss someone is that we miss the memories or feelings we had when we were with them. But know that there is a reason why those moments are in the past now. Don’t let yourself get trapped in the past because that is not where you are supposed to live. You are meant to live in the present and you are meant to take a step forward towards your future.
As much as possible, avoid the “What if” thoughts. Sometimes, dwelling on the what-ifs can hinder you from doing the things that you should be doing already. Questions like “What if we never break up? Will it work out?” “What if I call him again? Is it too dangerous?” “What if I was more understanding?” will not help you in your present. There is a reason why it happened. Have the courage to accept that life is all about seasons and sometimes, our season with people will come to an end.
But this only means, when God closed one door, He will surely open another one. Let Him lead you. Live with God in the present and don’t get trapped in the past.
Do something
Another thing you can do when you miss your Ex is occupying your mind and do something. You are not obliged to give in to that feeling of missing the person. You can actually convince yourself to do something just to divert your mind from replaying memories that might lead to negative feelings such as loneliness, guilt or regrets.
Choose a hobby and strive to be excellent with it. You actually do a lot of things: baking, eating, read a book, sports, or simply deciding on an activity that you are interested in learning.
Pray
Of all the things that were listed above, the most important thing that you need to do is this – pray. It is one thing to acknowledge what you feel but it is also another if you lift it up to God. Be comforted in the fact that God knows exactly what you feel and He is eager to hear from you.
So, whenever you start missing your ex, surrender what you’re feeling to God. Remember that you can always cast your cares to Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). The feeling won’t go away immediately but God promised to exchange your sadness and loneliness with His peace. And the best part about this is when you draw near to Him, He will also draw near to you (James 4:8).
Missing someone whom you shared a big part of your life can be hard. But know that despite what you are feeling, you are not alone. God is with you and completely understands what you are feeling. Acknowledge what you feel and slowly accept the fact that there are things in the past that will remain in the past. But don’t let that hinder you to take a step forward to your future.
Words by: Hannah Aloyon
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