Dealing with a narcissist is one of the most difficult things to do. They have these personalities that are hard to handle and can definitely drain your energy. Even if you try compromising with them when the situation arises, they still end up insisting to do things their own way. And this in turn results to the sad reality of losing yourself in the process. What’s even more difficult is when the narcissist is your partner, which makes you find ways on how to deal with a narcissistic spouse.
A narcissist is known to have a grandiose attitude, are self-entitled, are seeking attention always, are arrogant, and are preoccupied with oneself. They don’t consider the feelings of others since they only care about themselves and about how they feel. Instead of listening to what their spouse is trying to say, they take it as an attack and tends to fight back by being defensive, abusive or totally shutting themselves off. And it is hard to deal with them because even if you know that God wants you to choose to be graceful and to choose to love, doing so takes a lot of strength and energy.
If you happen to know that your spouse has narcissistic personality, know that you are not alone. There are a lot of people out there who are also suffering because their partners are a narcissist and they are also finding ways on how to deal with them.
How to deal with a narcissistic spouse
Narcissism is a personality disorder that affects relationships. They can be seen overtly, or covertly. Nevertheless, the damage done with this personality disorder may be extensive. This is why we have to understand how to deal with them.
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Note: If you are in a physically abusive situation, this book or this article is not really intended for you. We cannot recommend staying in a physically abusive relationship.
How to deal with a narcissistic spouse: 4 Ways
So, perhaps you want to know how to deal with a narcissistic spouse? Well, I am not an expert about such matters but let me help you by suggesting the things that you can do when dealing with them.
Surrender it to God and Pray
In facing a difficult situation, most especially in terms of dealing with your narcissistic spouse, the first and continuous thing you must do is surrender and lifting it up to God in prayer.
You might be wondering how can this help you. But, remember that when Jesus was here on earth, He encountered and dealt with narcissistic people – the Pharisees. If you look at Jesus’ life, He was constantly attacked by the narcissistic Pharisees, questioning His divine authority and miracles. The Pharisees cannot take the fact that Jesus prefers to reach out to those who are lost, broken, and are living in sin. But their attacks did not stop Jesus from communing with the Father.
So are we. When your spouse has narcissistic tendencies, follow what Jesus did – He communes and prays to His Father. Know that God understands and knows your struggle. He knows that you will get tired and may reach to a point where you will lose your patience towards them. This is the reason why He is reaching out to you to give you His strength.
Surrender your spouse to God. Humble your heart and acknowledge that you are having difficulties in dealing with your narcissistic spouse. Once you surrendered it to God, take heart and keep your faith – believing that God heard you and He is doing something to your situation. Seek Him. Ask specifically on how you should act and relate to your spouse and be attentive to His leading.
Remember, your greatest weapon in this battle is not your strategies but prayer.
Look at their condition, not on their flaws
If we deal with a difficult person, our tendencies are to focus solely on their flaws and negativity. When you have a narcissistic spouse, you cannot close your eyes to how they treat you and the pain that they cause you. However, if you fix your eyes on their difficult personality, this will drain you and take the joy out of your life.
I know it would be hard but instead of looking at their flaws, look at them from a different perspective – they have a condition and they need help. Just like Jesus, He never looked at our flaws. Instead, when He looks at us, He someone with potential. He looks at us through the lens of love.
That is how you should look at your spouse. Always think of the reason why you love your spouse and why you married them in the first place. Remember that the enemy’s mission is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), and this is the reason why it wants us to focus on the flaws because it slowly takes away the joy of the relationship. Protect your relationship by prayer and by choosing to look at them through the eyes of God.
I know it won’t be easy, but saving the relationship would be worth it.
Seek help
In your situation, know that you are not alone. God is with you in this battle and so are your family and friends. Don’t hesitate to share your situation with those who care for you and loves you and your family. Find a person or a group of Christian friends that can encourage you when times are rough. Call a family member when you’re in a difficult situation with your spouse. You don’t have to fight the battle alone.
You can also seek professional help. Go to counseling and know ways that can help you understand how to deal with a narcissistic spouse.
Forgive them
By this time, I believe you already know that your narcissistic spouse can hurt you over and over again. And yes, the easy way to deal with it is to give up and walk away. But remember that we always hurt God all the time but He never chose to give up and turn away His back at us. Instead, He chooses to forgive again and again.
In understanding how to deal with a narcissistic spouse, you have to forgive them. Remember that they have a condition and that they need help. If it comes to a point when you and your children’s lives are at risk, don’t hesitate to distance yourself from your spouse. But despite that, always choose to forgive them. It would be hard but it is the only way for your healing to start.
You might be in a state where all hope seems lost and that all you want to do is give up. But please do know that God is a God of miracles and that He can do the impossible (Luke 1:37). God exactly knows how to deal with your narcissistic spouse. Run to Him and let Him lead you in this relationship.
Words by: Hannah Aloyon
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