My Relationship Is Giving Me Anxiety: How to Deal

One of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship is anxiety. Anxiety is emotional or mental stress due to a certain underlying fear. When you happen to be in a relationship, it cannot be prevented that fears will arise and when these fears are not dealt with properly, it can lead to anxiety. I have a first-hand experience where my relationship is giving me anxiety.

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Also read: Is My Boyfriend Over His Ex? 5 Ways to Know

Those days where one of the most challenging days of my life. It was so hard for me to be myself because my mind was flooded with fears. Don’t get me wrong. My boyfriend is a good man. He respects me, values me, and made sure to make me feel his number 1 priority. But somehow, in spite of those, I was still anxious.

Looking back at those moments, I realized that the reason why my relationship is giving me anxiety is because I was still haunted by the past. My past experiences with relationships were painful. Some have gone MIA while some lead me on and just left me when they don’t feel it anymore. I thought I was okay but somehow these experiences created underlying fear of being hurt emotionally again.

So, when my boyfriend pursued me and showed me that he was not like them, I said yes but somehow have this underlying fear of being hurt like before. During our first few months, this fear inside of me started to grow which then made me feel anxious. I had to deal with thoughts like “When will he leave me?”, “Is he over his ex?”, “Why is he not responding to my messages?” and the uncertainty was driving me crazy.

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Even though that time my relationship is giving me anxiety, I was able to learn how to deal with it. How? By doing these things.

My relationship is giving me anxiety: How to deal

Choose to change mindsets

When the anxiety starts to arise, I observed that my emotions rises with it. The anxiety affects how I feel, and my tendency was to give in into my emotions, letting it control my actions. So, I get to overthink and feel sad of what I have thought of. And when this happens, I result to lash out on him, making a big deal of the smallest detail I think is wrong in the relationship. I was becoming toxic.

But I came across some verses in Philippians4:6-7 during my devotions that says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Then it hit me. I need to change mindsets.

What I mean by this is you need to choose to not be controlled by the overthinking and the emotions that goes with it. Instead of focusing too much on the uncertainties in your mind, focus it on other things that will help you be productive. Remember, overthinking can deceive you and can lead you to believe things that are not true. So when you start to overthink, stop it immediately and occupy your mind with other things like reading, engaging in a hobby.

Also, it is important that you change your mindset towards your partner. In a relationship, one of the essential foundations is trust. Deal with anxiousness by telling yourself that you need to trust your partner. Don’t listen to your anxiety. Look at your partner and focus on your love for one another and the good things he has done for you.

Change your mindset. Take your eyes off the flaws and focus on what is important.

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Learn to let go

Next is learning to let go. It cannot be denied that people have baggage’s and experiences from the past that will affect their decisions in the present. Like what happened to me, my relationship is giving me anxiety because I was carrying the memories and baggage’s with me. But when I came to the decision that I would let go of the things that happened to me in the past, it gave me a new perspective in my relationship with my boyfriend. I started to see that he is different from my past and that our relationship aims to grow and be mature spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually.

So, learn to let it go. Don’t let your past control you. Remember, the past is meant to be a lesson for you to grow. Let go of the hurts and pain of the past and embrace the present you are in. Use your past to learn from the mistakes and the what-not-to-do, to help your present be fruitful and meaningful.

Also, let go of the need to control. Remember, your partner is a different person that can decide things on their own. Anxiety arises when things are not going your way so, learn to let go of the need to take control of everything in the relationship. Let your partner be who they are and accept everything of them. If there are things that needs improvement, tell them. But don’t control them or the relationship. Have a heart of acceptance that whatever happens in the relationship, both of you can use it for growth, learning, and maturity.

Deal with it through prayer and studying God’s Word

During my anxiety in the relationship, prayer and studying God’s word really helped me. It was these times where I lift my concerns and fears to God and was receiving comfort and guidance from Him through the Bible.

If you are anxious in your relationship, I highly suggest that you do this. Come before God in prayer and surrender every thought, fears, and doubts that you have in your relationship. Trust Him that he is listening to your prayers and that He will answer you. At the same time, study His word and read verses that can help you deal with anxiety. There are a lot of devotionals online that can help you deal with your anxiousness. Through the Bible, allow God to comfort you and lead you to the things that you need to do. Trust me, He is more than willing to be with you and to show you that He cares for you and He is with you in these times.

So, are you on of those people who are saying, “My relationship is giving me anxiety”? I hope the things mentioned above will help you deal with anxiety in your relationship.

Don’t worry. A lot of people know how you feel and like most of them, you will be able to overcome anxiety. You just must choose to not entertain it, let go of the fears and the need to control, and pray.

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