I truly believe that when a marriage or relationship can be saved, we must, by any means restore it as much as possible. However, when there are conflicts that put you and your loved one’s lives in jeopardy, or if the situation is unhealthy for you, it may be time to move on. A question that begs to be asked though, is, why is it so hard to let go even when we need to?
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Why is it so hard to let go of someone?
When we are in a relationship with someone, we give them a part of our lives for that moment in time. We give them time, energy, our thoughts, and even resources to keep the relationship alive. When they leave, there is a feeling of void in these things we used to give–and no one is there to fill it.
This is the main reason why it’s hard to let go of someone. You can’t seem to ignore the void that they left.
Other reasons include:
- Personal ties, such as having children or assets together
- Being in the same environment
- The feeling that no one can ‘replace’ that person in your life
My personal story
I get you. I’ve been through that situation myself. In my case, it came to a point where I knew the relationship wasn’t healthy anymore. I was crying more than I was smiling, I found myself bending over and making fatal compromises that go against my faith. I knew I was slowly suffocating in a relationship that wasn’t making me grow.
I thank God because He allowed me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In this post, I will be sharing things that allowed me to move on, instead of asking, “why is it so hard to let go of my ex?”
Why is it so hard to let go of someone you love: Things to do to finally move on
Imagine yourself being better after the relationship.
It’s hard to move on when you constantly dwell in the past and the things you used to do with your ex. This phenomenon is called “romanticizing”. This means that instead of seeing the relationship as it is, you tend to cherrypick the good memories you had with each other.
Instead of dwelling on these memories, you need to see your future self being better after the relationship. Think of yourself finally smiling, laughing, feeling healthy and taking care of your body and mind again. When I was writing this, I thought about the Bible verse which encourages us to press forward instead of looking at our past.
“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:13, NLT).
Pressing on means not denying the past, but rather accepting it and learning from it, while having faith that things will be better from you on the coming days ahead.
[Special] Why is it so hard to let go: The Emotionally Destructive Relationship
The Emotionally Destructive Relationship
Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many,
Be open to support.
When we’re sad, one common defense mechanism is to isolate ourselves and engage in self-pity. Trust me, I’ve been there. I have felt like no one understands the pain I’m going through, and no one is willing to listen.
The truth it, they don’t need to “understand” what you’re going through–because your experience is unique to anyone else. All they have to do is understand that you’re in pain, that you need encouragement, and that they are there if you need anything. If there are people in your life who are like this to you, consider yourself blessed. Don’t shut yourself to people who are willing to support you.
Even if they aren’t friends or family, you can find support groups for people who go through similar experiences such as yours. And if you need immediate help, there’s a depression or suicide hotline that you can call to get your peace of mind.
Remember that you only have one life.
Let me explain this one.
When I was in college, drowning in my tears and thinking that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, the thought that got me through is thinking that I have one life to live.
Like a video being played, I only knew the parts that happened, and not the ones that are bound to happen.
There are so many possibilities, opportunities, and blessings that can come my way, and all I have to do is to respond in courage. I know it’s difficult to imagine when you’re in a situation where you can’t move on from someone, but there is a future ahead that is potentially happier, brighter and even better than you can think of.
Your life is what you make of it–if you remain in status quo, the situations and feelings that you’re experiencing will always stay the same–you will always be in pain, feeling angry, or resentful towards those who hurt you.
But if you choose to be hopeful about the future and thinking that you have one life to live, then things may actually turn out for the better.
Be in constant communication with God.
If there’s anything I want you to take from this post that truly helped me in difficult situations, this is being in constant communication with God.
Did you know that when you trust Jesus, He considers you His friend?
“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends” (John 15:15)
This means that you can talk to Him about your day from the mundane to serious things. You can be in constant prayer with Him in your mind, as you go about your business. He loves your company, and He wants you to know Him as well.
I hope this post ministers to you and helps you find healing. Instead of filling the void with sadness and constant reminiscing, I encourage you to try these strategies to finally move on from a difficult breakup.
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