We are all connected as humans. Even though many of us can strive for independence, there is no way that one person can be 100% excluded from others. This is why we often feel frustrated when we don’t have a community that supports us. A common thought would be, “I don’t feel supported by my husband”, or “I don’t feel supported by my family”. In this blog post, I want to talk about what to do when you don’t feel supported.
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What to do when you don’t feel supported: My personal experience
In any relationship or group, support is essential so you feel connected. This year, I accepted a job with a company where support and community are one of our core values. Instead of feeling disconnected, I felt valuable, heard, and part of the group. I felt like I was making a difference rather than just ‘doing my job’.
On the personal side of things, I have learned how to communicate my needs specific to having a second baby. I had to be reminded that my husband is my partner, and he is willing to listen and take action if I let him know the areas I need him to respond to. So, I want to share with you the things I did to make me feel supported, so you can also lessen the burden and frustration on your part.
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What to do when you don’t feel supported: Things I did
Express your frustration in a healthy way
“I don’t feel supported in my relationship.” Does that sound familiar? Your feelings are valid. It is expected to feel frustrated when you don’t feel heard or supported, especially if that’s the very first thing you want. The first step you can take is to express these negative feelings in a way that won’t harm or hurt others.
You can journal, talk to a therapist, or join online discussions for starters. If you feel level-headed, you can address your concerns towards the person you are needing support.
Communicate your needs leading to action
It is easy to “rant”. To talk about the things you don’t get, all the things you have been doing, or the things that your loved ones or team doesn’t do for you. But, instead of ranting, we can also try to communicate using the bigger picture.
What needs to happen so you feel supported?
You can be specific about what you need. When you think about “I don’t feel supported by my husband”, instead of ranting about what he doesn’t do, you can share the areas you need help with.
An example I could share is when my husband and I were expecting our second child. I used to clean the house, do the laundry, cook, and teach my first son on a regular basis. The main things he did in the house were washing the dishes and taking out the trash.
When our second son came along, I needed to communicate that he has to do some cleaning and tidying up for me as I was breastfeeding, washing bottles, changing diapers, and coordinating my care for our two children. I am very thankful that he stepped up in this area.
So, if you are struggling, do not always assume that the person knows what kind of help you need. By being specific, you can work on towards a common goal.
Look for a group that understands
Sometimes, seeking support also means finding people who have gone through what you are going through.
What are you struggling with? Are they identity issues, stress from your responsibilities, addiction, or anything else? Find a group that has gone through a similar experience and this is where you can get level-headed, non-judgmental support.
They may even give advice on what you should do in your current situation, as they have gone through the same experiences. Having that sound advice, as well as encouragement can really lift up your spirits.
Turn to God
When was the last time you poured your heart into God? Perhaps you have been praying routinely, but you did not take the time to really talk to Him.
Remember that God recognized our thoughts and feelings even before us — and He is willing to listen. Set aside time to meditate, pray about your concerns, and lift up your life to Him. His Word, your circumstances, and godly people will eventually point you to the support you need.
I hope you find this post helpful! When you are confused and don’t know what to do when you don’t feel supported, these four things, based on my experience, can help.
Also read:
Buying a House for the First Time: Tips that Help
Transition From One Child to Two: Strategies that Work
How to Have Better Relationships: 4 Principles to Live By
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