how to stop being needy and insecure

How to Stop Being Needy and Insecure



Nothing drives men away to the opposite end of the pole other than being the clingy girlfriend or wife. If you have heard of the term doormat, needy, insecure, this are all not necessarily endearing terms. These are terms that may be a complete turn-off, or even a problem to some. There is nothing wrong about being caring and loving. However, there is a fine line between loving too much or allowing someone to take advantage of you, or smothering your loved one. In this post, we will be discussing about how to stop being needy and insecure.




Am I a needy girlfriend or wife?

Perhaps you may not be aware if what you’re doing is something that could come across to your partner as needy or clingy. So to simplify things, I created a list that will help you self-assess if you are someone who may want to know how to stop being needy and insecure.

  1. You spend too much time giving your loved one attention

Again, there is nothing wrong with giving attention, just that when it is too much, it becomes something that’s negative. Your attention decreases in value and you lose confidence in what you can offer. Your loved one is not reciprocating as much as you do. To compensate, you keep giving more, which all the more affects your relationship negatively.

  1. You’re hurt when your acts of affection are not returned

Since you tend to over-give, the problem with it is that you resent your loved one for not giving that same amount of affection that you are giving. Thus, more fights happen, and instead of drawing closer to your partner, it keeps you apart.

  1. You feel like you need to do everything, and you are at the mercy of your partner

Since you have just given your attention away like it isn’t something to be valued, your partner gets the upper-hand in the relationship. You feel like you’re at his mercy, and you must do everything to keep things as they are by not making him upset.



The result of this over-dependence is an unhealthy relationship. You live in fear, insecurity and resentment. You’re always at the verge of picking a fight because you need something more, yet you’re scared to do so because he might leave or do something unpleasant. If you said yes to most or all of the items above, then you are someone who may be insecure with your partner. Read on to find out more about how to stop being needy in a relationship.

Also read: How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

How to Stop Being Needy

  1. Understand the root cause of your neediness.

What is it that makes you feel like you need more of your partner’s attention? Is it because you feel like it is lacking? Is it because you feel like he doesn’t value you? Or because of previous emotional baggages that you still carry at present? Whatever it is, you have to know the root cause of your neediness. Identifying the problem helps you find an appropriate solution.

Plan of action: List down possible causes of your clinginess. Understand where is it coming from. You need to assess yourself about the root cause so that you will know how to solve your problem. Be honest with yourself and the situation at hand.

  1. Based from the root cause, understand what you have to do.

Since there are different root causes of neediness, as I have listed the common ones, you have several steps of action to take:




If you feel like your partner is not giving you enough attention, you need to have a sincere talk with him. Do not blame him for what he isn’t doing. Rather, give him examples of how it makes you feel when he does things. This way, you won’t be playing the ‘blame game’, but rather you’re just being open with how you feel and how you want things to change.

If you feel like it’s a past baggage, you have to surrender it to God. You have to understand that bad past experiences are meant to be lessons, not patterns to be repeated.

However, when you’re thinking that the root cause of insecurity is just an attitude that you have adapted, then you must make changes with your life and your mindset.

Plan of action: Based on the root cause of your insecurity, do the steps above. Nonetheless, the other points below will help you keep your feet on the ground and build self-confidence as you take your initiative on how to stop being needy.

Some Mindsets to Adapt on How to Stop Being Needy and Insecure in a Relationship

  1. Your worth is not based on someone’s approval

Your complete worth is not based on any person’s approval, and that includes your husband or your boyfriend’s too. You don’t need to be praised or romanced to feel complete. Although you may want these things to be happy, you can find your true joy in something else. Understand that your true worth is found in God.

God loves you infinitely just for who you are. However, He doesn’t want you to stay as the way you are, He loved you enough to send His Son to die for you. The God of the universe pursued you relentlessly. He is the only One who can give you complete, unflawed love. Once you understand that God loves you completely, it is in Him where you will find security that can’t be shaken by anything or anyone else.

  1. Enrich your life

One of the reasons why some women feel insecure is because they are living unbalanced lives. When your life is unbalanced, it means that you only give your time and effort to something or someone and lose focus on other endeavors. This is not healthy, because God wants us to pursue our lives with fervor, and He gave us the freedom to pursue things that bring us joy.

Enrich your life by finding a hobby, volunteering, doing a job you love, or expressing your passions in different means. You will find less time sulking and focusing on your insecurities and more on thinking about things that bring you joy.

  1. Insecurity is a state of mind

When we feel like things are lacking, they may be true to some extent. However, we have to understand that the only mind and heart we can control is ours. In order to change the situation, you must do your part. Being clingy and needy is a result of having an insecure state of mind. If you learn to be appreciative with all the things that you are getting, then it will be easier for you to feel confident about yourself.

Take it to the next level

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Another term for being insecure in a relationship is being codependent. I have learned the hard way, and it was a big lesson for me to take that being codependency is something that we should avoid in our relationships. Rather, we should be interdependent. This book helps us to understand how we can be less codependent have healthier relationships. It also helps us learn how to stop being needy and insecure. I highly recommend it, and you can CLICK HERE or on the preview below to find and purchase it in Amazon:

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About lifewithgormleys

Hello, my name is Angeline. I am a speech therapist by profession but I am passionate about a lot of things and I always want to write about them. Nice seeing you here!