When you are in a relationship – in any kind of relationship – I assume you already know that fights and arguments are inevitable. No matter how compatible you both are or you complement each other, there will always come a time where you will disagree. Perhaps you may be wondering who should say sorry first after a fight.
Fights between family members, spouse, partners, and friends, do happen. This is because each of us is created uniquely and are shaped by different circumstances and situations around us. Even though you have some similarities with the people you are close with, you cannot deny that you also have differences that might be the cause of most disagreements and fights.
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Understanding who should say sorry first after a fight
I experience this a lot with my boyfriend. We have some similarities in terms with our characters and values in life, but we are so different in other aspects like our individual situations, state of perceptions, and ways of fixing problems. Even though we love each other and embrace the uniqueness of the other, we can’t prevent ourselves to have some disagreement on certain things.
Come to think of it, I see fights as a venue for growth. Why? Well you see, when you are in a fight with someone, you are out of your comfort zone. And usually, when you are uncomfortable, that is where growth happens. You’ll be able to discover a lot about yourself in dealing with uncomfortable situations – things you like and don’t like. Also, you will get to know the other person deeper, who they really are and how they respond to difficult situations. I know, fights can be tiring and can use a lot of energy but there is an advantage to it.
However, the danger lies when you don’t choose to grow. This is when you allow pride to take over your judgments and decisions towards the person you are having a fight with. Instead of fixing the problem or the issue, it becomes worst and unfixable.
So, how do we stop this from happening? The fight usually ends when one of you humbles yourself and says sorry. But how do we know who should say sorry first after a fight?
Some say the first one to say sorry is the one who started the fight. Since they were the ones who started the argument, they should also be responsible to end it by saying sorry. But somehow, that is not always the case. Maybe the person is just trying to open up what he or she thinks or feel about the situation, without the intention of fighting. Also, some say that the first one who should say sorry is the one who made the offense. Usually, fights happen because the person was offended by what the other person did or said. Because they were offended, the one who caused the offense should be responsible enough to say sorry.
I, somehow, agree with this because we should all be sensitive enough to identify if what we did or say can hurt people. And we should be responsible enough to be humble and ask for forgiveness once we know we did hurt the other person. However, most of the time, this is not the case. We tend to hold on to our pride, choose to ignore the situation and rely on time to fix everything.
In a Biblical perspective: Who should say sorry first after a fight?
When I look at it, deciding on who should say sorry first after a fight is a complex issue but I thank God because He gave us a guide on how to live life – He gave us the Bible.
In the Bible, the issues on fighting end up on always choosing to forgive, whether they said sorry or not. Jesus, despite us being His enemy and not asking for forgiveness even though we hurt Him because of our sinful ways, still chose to forgive us. He also told Peter that when there is an offense, we should forgive the person many times (Matthew 18:22).
If we look at it, Jesus is more concern on how we should respond to the offense than knowing who should say sorry first. I think the reason is that Jesus wants to cultivate in us that same humility He showed towards us, wherein He chose to forgive us even if we didn’t say sorry.
The sin that was committed in the begin started a fight between us and God. But despite that, God loved us so much that He chose to forgive us by sending Jesus on the cross. He did this because what is important for Him is not about who says sorry first, but the relationship. God valued His relationship with us to the point where He did not wait for us to ask for forgiveness. Instead, he made a way for us to be reconciled to Him (2 Corinthians 5:18).
So, when I read the bible and see how Jesus lived, I believe it doesn’t matter who should say sorry first after a fight. What matters most is preserving the relationship you have with the person. This doesn’t mean you are weak when you say sorry first but only means that person weighs more than the disagreement. You value the person more than the winning the fight. This will also be a great venue to learn and practice the humility Jesus showed towards us.
If you are having a fight with your loved one and no one is saying sorry, do what Jesus did. Let go of the pride and be humble enough to approach them. I know it would be hard, but what’s more fulfilling, winning this fight? Or keeping the relationship? You choose.
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