My Husband Is Disrespectful: What To Do

All of us would agree that we don’t want to be disrespected. But in some situations, you may sigh and think to yourself, “My husband is disrespectful!”

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Marriage and roles of husband and wife

Before we dig in on how to deal with a disrespectful husband, we must first understand what God’s design of marriage is and what are the roles of the husband and wife. In this way, it will give us the right perspective and view of the situation you are in.

God’s design for marriage is a kind of relationship that would show His love and grace. It is where God’s love, mercy, and grace become tangible since spouses see, hear, and feel it. It is a relationship where you would choose to love the person in spite of their flaws and imperfections, just like what Jesus did on the cross for us.

In marriage, husbands and wives have roles. These roles need to be understood and be fulfilled in order to help have a harmonious marriage. The roles of each complement one another, which makes married couples a team.

The roles of a husband are…

…a leader of the family

…loving his wife unconditionally

…serving his wife and family by providing for their needs

It is crucial for the husband to fulfill these God-given roles since these will allow his wife and family to flourish and grow. A husband must love his wife like how God loves his people and he must serve her and his family, just like how Jesus served the people.

The roles of a wife are…

…a helper to her husband

…respecting her husband

…loving her husband unconditionally

…submission to leadership of her husband

These God-given roles of a wife may look like being a subordinate to a man, however it is exactly the opposite. It is a wife’s job to stand alongside with his husband as the husband leads the family. A wife has every right to suggest whenever decisions needs to be made or to show his husband a different view of a scenario their family is facing. It is a wife’s role to assist the growth of his husband and love him like how God loves his people.

These designs and roles in marriage NEEDS respect, patience, and a lot of love.

Signs of a disrespectful husband

So, you may be thinking, “my husband is disrespectful” and you want to know if what you think is right.

Are you saying, “my husband is disrespectful because…”

He does not listen to me
He ignores me and does not want to talk to me
He orders me around and force me to do things
He does not help me around the house
He criticizes me and humiliates me
He is not affectionate
He blames me for everything
He isolates me from family and friends
He tells me that I am nothing

If this is your scenario, then what you think is right. These are signs that your husband is disrespectful.

Marriage should be a place where you are secured and safe, despite and in spite of who you are. It is a relationship that overflows with forgiveness, acceptance, grace, love, and respect. Marriage should be a safe haven for you to grow and change for the better, not to pull you down. It meant for growth and not for destruction.

So, how do you handle a disrespectful husband? How do you deal this kind of situation?

Let me share to you the four steps that you can do and apply to your scenario.

My Husband Is Disrespectful: What To Do

Delineate abuse vs. issues you can work on together

The first thing you need to do is to identify and recognize abuse with issues or normal marital problems that you can work on together as a couple.

Abuse is when your husband treats you with cruelty repeatedly. It seeks to control you and each aspect of your life. His aim is to undermine your self-esteem, make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies to feel powerful, make you believe they are higher than you, and would want you to depend on them alone. This will go on for days, months, and even years.

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Normal marital problems and issues on the other hand, are those arguments or misunderstanding where you and your husband wants to get each of your ways in a certain situation. If these wants are unmet, it usually results to conflicts and fights over that particular matter. However, normal marital issues are resolved after a few hours or days.

Recognize and assess whether your husband treatment of you is already an abuse or it is just a normal marital issue that both of you can work on. If it is indeed already an abuse, then I highly suggest that you seek help from professionals. Ask for help from people that can guide you on what to do when you are being abused by your husband.

If you identified that the issues you have with your husband are matters that can be dealt with together, then don’t hesitate to act in dealing with it.

Think of instances you feel disrespected in any way

Next thing you need to do is to recall those instances where you feel disrespected.

Remember times like, “my husband is mean to me when I do this.”, “I feel my husband is emotionally abusive that where this happened.”, or “there was this one time where my husband is verbally abusive.”

After you recall these times, assess whether it is really a disrespectful act of your husband or you were just overreacting that time. I highly encourage that you list these moments and scenarios to see if there is a pattern to how he treats you and the times you feel disrespected.

If it happened just once, there is a big chance that you were just sensitive and overreacted with the situation. However, if it is recurring, then you can be sure that you are not overreacting already. Disrespect does not happen one time. It recurs and will happen a couple of times.

Communicate that you feel disrespected when these instances occur

Once you are sure that you feel disrespected with the instances that happened, the next thing you need to do is it communicate it to your husband.

Make sure that you find the right time to talk to your husband personally. Have a private time together, a place where both of you can focus on what you are about to communicate. Also, make sure that both of you are calm and are not stressed or in a rush.

When you communicate, make sure that you communicate what you feel and how it made you feel. Never have the blaming attitude where you blame and attack him. Instead of using “you” statements, use “I” or “we”. In this way, you emphasize the act, not the person. Focus on the facts that the action and treatment made you feel disrespected.

Be honest with your husband and make sure that you are willing to listen to what he will say as well. Communication is two-way, so allow him to communicate his side as well.

Resolve the problem together with a new action plan

After communicating with your husband, come up with action plans that would help both of you solve the problem.

In terms of communication, you can suggest that both of you should be more open to one another and would choose to listen first before responding. Agree that both of you should choose to understand where the other is coming from and would respectfully respond to each other.

In terms of daily routines, both of you can decide on what and what-not to do in your relationship. For example, you can agree that everyday you will find time to pray for one another, start from scratch like kissing and hugging before leaving the house and arriving from work, or being polite by saying thank you and please. Both of you should agree that you and your husband will always choose to love and respect one another.

In terms of perspective, both of you can agree on going through marriage counseling to have professional help on how to have the right perspective of one another. Make sure that when you agree to go to counseling, both of you should follow the action plans given by your counselor. Also, surrounding yourself with people in healthy relationships can help both of you see and learn healthy perspectives about your relationship.

So, if you are saying “my husband is disrespectful”, I hope these steps can help and guide you on the things that you can do to deal with your husband.

Don’t lose hope. You might feel that you are alone in this battle but let me encourage you that you are not alone. God is with you on this. It may seem uncertain, scary, and overwhelming, but you just have to believe that God will lead you and your husband. Pray for your husband and do what you can do. Surrender your situation to God and let Him do His part. Don’t lose hope.

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Written by: Hannah Aloyon

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