Anger is an intense emotion. Often, it can have physical effects, such as having a flushed face, tense muscles, and even feeling nauseous. There’s a righteous kind of anger, and it is felt when you have the desire to fight for a noble cause. However, there’s another side of anger that we want to dissipate, and that is the irrational kind of anger. Perhaps you have come to this post because you want to know how to be less angry about everything.
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How to be less angry: My personal experience
I have my own struggles with anger as well. Who doesn’t? Often, when we’re physically deprived, such as hungry, or lack decent sleep, this is when we feel most angry about a lot of things. It also happens when I ruminate about things that happened in the past, or I overthink present situations. I experienced this myself, and I believe God is molding my heart to be less angry.
In my quest on learning how to be less angry and stressed, I want to share some of the things that helped me out.
How to be less angry and bitter: Effective ways
Pause and think about your thought process.
I had a recent incident about my issues of being angry. I was disproportionally mad at my husband because he ate some of our baby’s food for breakfast, and I got really frustrated. I started to talk about how I have to make another breakfast for my baby, waiting to cool it down, and my husband not considering our baby’s nutritional needs. Whoa!
The truth is, he had a small bite on our baby’s food which is almost negligible.
Looking back, I wish I had thought about my thought process–I lacked sleep and wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The Bible tells us how important it is to be sober-minded:
“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13
I see pausing and thinking as a way to be sober-minded. When we act without thinking, sometimes our responses seem irrational about what really happened. It is best to see what the root cause of your anger is before saying or doing anything that can hurt others. By being aware of where your emotions are coming from, you can have a better response.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes
Anger is also rooted from pride. Often, we are angry because people disappoint us, or the situation we have isn’t ideal. Thus, we display our frustrations by being angry.
One of the ways to battle this is through empathy. Empathy helps us to see why people could have acted in such a way, which makes us realize that most of the time, that very thing that caused us to feel angry isn’t something personal at all.
Perhaps in your career or business, you’re finding ways on how to be less angry at work. You may have a boss whom you feel is unreasonable or customers who are complaining to no end. By using the lens of empathy, we begin to understand that these people have personal struggles, too. They may have family problems, insecurities, and life stressors that make them “lash out” towards others.
Empathy is a trait that’s a challenge to develop, but it is part of how we can show we love God–by loving others:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
Check-in with your emotions
I have a new practice. I started checking in with my emotions by journaling, and it has helped me tremendously. Whenever I feel intense emotions, I write down the reasons why I may be feeling that way, and ways to feel better.
Like pausing and thinking, checking in with your emotions gives you a heightened awareness about your responses on situations. Sometimes, you’ll realize that you’re angry because of something totally unrelated!
For example, you may have experienced guilt for being angry with your child. Thus, you’re in the internet searching, “How to be less angry at my child”. A simple checking-in of your emotions could reveal that you’re angry because the house is messy. We all know how cluttered environments are harmful to one’s mental health.
I suggest that you try journaling about your emotions and see where it takes you.
Pray constantly.
The most effective thing you can do in moments of anger is just to pray. You don’t even have to have a lengthy prayer to make things better. In fact, you can just utter phrases and words which are applicable to you at that moment.
“God, I trust in You.”
“Lord, help me to stay calm.”
These prayers are heard by God. He values the relationship that we have with Him, and not the eloquence of our words. The Bible says that The Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know the right words to say:
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:26
I hope these simple strategies help you dissipate instances of anger about everything. May God’s love and peace be with you, as you learn to walk with Him by faith!
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Angeline, this post is amazing! All of the things you listed are SO important for cultivating a healthy mindset and helping to combat negative emotions of all kinds, especially anger. I can definitely relate to having a disproportionate angry response to something someone did by accident, only to find by checking in with my emotions that I’m really just stressed and tired. Prayer and self-awareness make SUCH a difference in the energy of our lives and homes. Thanks for putting this out there!
I find myself being frustrated, mad, and bitter like that too. It is true that it is often a symptom of other things, like being tired, or overworked, etc. It can be tough to check this behavior.
wow this is a great post! thank you. Overtime I get upset about something I really try to look at the situation from the outside. It can be really easy to just get upset and give a reaction while your angry.
It is very hard to control anger but these tips are very helpful! I should try journaling, I’ve heard so many people saying how much it helps! I think put yourself in someone else’s shoes is a great tip, but we overlook it so often!
These are such great recommendations. I can wait to start I implementing these. I struggle with anxiety which makes me so irritable and I lash out way too many times on my husband and boys. Thank you for sharing!
Good tips! It’s hard to keep anger in check when you’re overwhelmed and tired but asking yourself what you’re really angry about helps you think logically instead of lashing out.
I truly agree with your views and points mentioned. Especially checking in with your emotions and writing then down. It’s a totally rewarding exercise as it helps us encounter them there and then and help us take better actions the next time we feel certain kinda way. Totally insightful article.
Love this post! Reminds us all how to control our anger and be better versions of us. I agree with you, to practice empathy and to pray. Also pausing before speaking because when words are thrown out, we can never take them back and harder to heal. Also what I learned over the years is to let go. It’s a process, but it makes life lighter and happier.
These are great suggestions and some of them I’ve used to help me in the past. It’s also worth noting that hormonal imbalances caused by some health conditions or significant life events and stress could cause anger issues, so people might need to address external factors or seek medical advice to help them manage their anger too.
Thanks for sharing! If only I read this much earlier in my lifetime. I suffered from anger (and envy) as a child. It took me over 10 years to finally make peace with things around me. Hope this blog can reach and help more people like I was 🙂
This post is very interesting. Everytime i get angry, i always cry for being too emotional. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post.
I will try it because I need it bad. Anger is a healthy emotion but it needs to be kept in bay
Checking in with your emotions to determine the cause of your anger is a good one. Also, remove yourself from that which causes you anger, if possible. If not, minimize contact with them, if possible, or talk it over with them to let them know how they affect you.
Great tips! I used to struggle with bouts of anger, yoga, meditation and journaling helped me work through some personal issues. I sometimes fall back into old habits but mostly now I can stop and pause.
Keeping emotions in check is very neccesay when it comes to anger management but often due high bp and hyper tension this anger thing happens. But yes these are good tips.
These are very helpful tips on anger management. I will too try to implement on myself.
These are great tips. Anger can really be deadly if care is not taken. This was a nice read.