You’re sitting there feeling downcast, and you start to question your sanity. After arguments and searing words have been spoken, you begin to have low self-esteem and think if your marriage is going to get any better. You hear is words over and over again, and begin to wonder if how you see things are skewed compared to his. If this sounds familiar, you may be a victim of gaslighting. Perhaps you’re in this blog looking for ways on how to stop husband from gaslighting.
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How to stop husband from gaslighting: Being aware
My husband is a spiritual marriage counselor in the Air Force. He is trained to recognized gaslighting behaviors in relationships, and I asked his insights about it.
He mentioned that the first step to on how to stop your husband from gaslighting is recognizing these behaviors. If you’re on this post, chances are, you already recognize these attitudes that come from your husband. That is a great first step.
If you’re asking, “How to stop my husband from gaslighting me?”, below are some tips to help you out. Note that these tips are not meant to break your marriage or allow you to have contempt. These are ways to help you repair your marriage and change the gaslighting behaviors.
Disclaimer: There are instances where these tips won’t work because you’re with a person who inflicts abuse. In these situations, you need to seek professional help for abuse of any kind.
How to stop husband from gaslighting: Tips to change and restore
Pray and ask for guidance before any interactions
At the beginning of your day, give yourself a clear frame of mind before any interactions with your husband. You can pray to God and ask His Holy Spirit to guide you with patience, peace, and understanding when you recognize gaslighting behaviors.
The great thing with starting your day with prayer is that it helps you align your thoughts in God’s truth. This will help you to discern false statements, as well as keep you calm instead of being reactive to manipulation.
A simple prayer for guidance can go something like this:
“Dear Lord, guide me today. Help me to see my husband through Your eyes. When I get triggered with words and actions that hurt and demean me, help me to stay grounded in Your truth.”
Arming yourself with God’s protection is a great way to prepare yourself with any future interactions.
Keep things simple
There are two kinds of gaslighting behaviors. Some people do it intentionally, while others are unintentional. In either of these cases, you can mitigate the hurtful words or actions by keeping things simple.
What do I mean by being simple? By this, I meant using responses that you know won’t trigger another gaslighting reaction. For example, if you notice that your husband is passing the blame to you over something petty, you can simply say, “If that’s how you see it, I can’t change your mind, and that’s okay.”. Keeping things simple while not being in the defensive can stop gaslighting moments then and there.
Avoiding triggers
Another helpful tip on how to stop your husband from gaslighting you is by avoiding triggers of these instances. When an incident has occurred, take note of its precedents. Did you say something scathing, was your tone over-the-top, was your husband stressed? Sometimes, it can also be helpful to observe with a truthful eye why these behaviors happen.
As you record it, you will notice patterns that serve as triggers for gaslighting behaviors. You can avoid these triggers by changing the precedents. This means that you can change your words, environment, or anything else that can lead to those triggers.
You can modify the environment, give your husband some space, or find another response to de-escalate the situation. Avoiding triggers can help sustain your mental health while keeping your relationship afloat.
Act in love
Love is enduring but is also about action. Sometimes, enduring isn’t the only way to save a marriage filled with gaslighting behaviors. You can also take action to restore your marriage.
Some ways to do this can include:
- Talking honestly about the behavior: Sometimes, your partner isn’t aware that he having this behavior. Simply letting them be aware of how it makes you feel can make them avoid gaslighting you.
- Responding in a godly way: When Jesus asked the market sellers to leave the temple (Matthew 21:12-13), it was evident that he was angry, but it was a righteous kind of anger. At the same time, when He was at the cross (Luke 23:34), he asked God to forgive those who were mocking and crucifying Him. In these instances, He responded with integrity but with love. You can show that you’re angry or disappointed with the right causes, and you can also forgive as the situation calls for it. Ask the Holy Spirit and listen to His guidance for the right response.
- Learning from each other: Another way on how to stop partner gaslighting is to learn from each other’s mistakes. This comes with the humility that both of you aren’t perfect, and you can learn from each other about what to do next time.
I hope these suggestions helped you out. When you surrender your marriage to God, He will work continuously to mold it and change your hearts for His glory.
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This is new info! I didn’t know that you can also trigger gaslighting behaviors of someone else and that they sometimes aren’t aware of it. My initial thought was that those who gaslight always do it on purpose. Really insightful! and also for the reminder to surrender your marriage to God, which is the most important thing. Thank you!
Your counsel is practical and ready to apply in strengthening relationships. Praying before confrontations, and not reacting to reactions, keep ringing for me. Great article.
Gaslighting is never OK in any circumstances and when someone does it they must be made aware of how they are treating the other person so they don’t do it again.
These tips are great! Communication is always key.
Wow! This is a great idea to all in a relationships. I would share this to my friends and family.
Yes! It’s so important to surrender your message to God.
I had no idea that there’s a name for this but thank you for sharing these tips on how to stop our spouse from gaslighting. I agree with you that prayer is very important in these difficult situations.
I know some couples suffer from gaslighting and it is really sad. I do agree with the solutions being proffered here. Asking the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance is key.
These are some really helpful tips you mentioned. It is always good to na a the god for wisdom.
Thanks for these tip. My friend is dealing with relationship problems with her husband and going through some of these issues. I’m gonna share it with her.
My ex was a narcissist and gaslighted me which costed me many things. These ways are really helpful. And not only good for husbands but boyfriends too.
This is very interesting. Relationships are hard but everyone yearns for it. I love it.