I have always loved those home lifestyle shows where people take foreclosed homes and turn them into something beautiful. I loved the idea where something looks rough and unattractive at the beginning and they begin to blossom like beautiful swans. However, I often wonder if this is something applicable to marriage, such as when people come across fixer upper marriage problems.
What is a fixer-upper situation?
Perhaps you may be wondering what are fixer upper marriage problems. These issues often come up when a person tries to marry another thinking that they would change, but feel disappointed that they don’t.
What is the truth behind this? Can you really change a partner or a spouse for that matter?
Take action on your fixer upper marriage problems
The truth is, “fixing” your partner is never a guarantee in your marriage. However, you can do certain things that will increase the likelihood of the success in your relationship. Perhaps you may be struggling with intimacy or even communication.
Save Your Marriage is a great video and program to help you get started. Once you understand the basic principles of making your marriage strong, you will be more comfortable with your partner and forget all of these fixer upper marriage problems.
Fixer upper marriage problems: Understanding the truth
Here are some things you need to know about the idea of changing your spouse or your partner, and whether you married a fixer upper.
1. You cannot fully change your partner
The truth of the matter is, you cannot change your partner. His values, her mannerisms, his habits, and all other perspectives in life are hardwired at the beginning. But the success of your marriage isn’t based on whether you can or cannot change your partner. You see, it’s all about the things you can control, and not about what you can’t control.
Recommended book of the week
You picked your spouse for a reason. You wanted your marriage to work and now it’s falling apart. It’s time to pick up the pieces and make your dream a reality.
Advanced praise for The Marriage Restoration Project-
“Any couple interested in restoring their marriage and sustaining it will be blessed if they follow the logical and clear steps and processes described by Rabbi Slatkin in the Marriage Restoration Project. The concepts are clear, the instructions are logical and the heart of the author are evident on every page.” Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Ten Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have into the Relationship You Want. Available in Amazon.
2. But you can influence them
Instead of complaining about things you can control, you should focus on things that you can. For example, you must take note of how you act towards your partner. Are you giving, or are you always picking fights because you always feel disappointed with them?
By setting an example and being an influencer in your marriage, you can potentially be a catalyst for their change. Start with simple things such as communicating better, being more forgiving, or serving without conditions.
3. Controlling won’t work
It is important to understand that having a controlling attitude will also be detrimental in your relationship. If you act like you pinpoint every wrong thing that your partner does, the more that they will feel suffocated and distance themselves from you.
If bring controlling is a struggle for you, you should hear the next point.
4. Let go of the small stuff
Part of making a marriage work is learning not to sweat the small stuff. The small day-to-day disappointments do not matter compared to the lifetime of beautiful moments you want to have in your marriage. A part of removing your controlling attitude is letting go of things that won’t matter in the long run.
5. Love unconditionally
Of course, you won’t be able to let go of the small stuff if you don’t learn this last point–and that is to love unconditionally. A part of being able to love unconditionally is understanding that you are loved in this way too–when God loved you without strings attached. The Bible says:
When we learn that we are already loved by God, the more we are capable of loving others unconditionally too. As you learn to love your partner unconditionally, always be reminded of how God has displayed His love for you.
Focus on what you can do: Save your marriage
If you feel like all your efforts to stop fixer upper marriage problems won’t stop, then perhaps it is time to take action and Save Your Marriage. Through the insights in this video and program, you will be able to uncover integral steps to help your relationship grow.
Subscribe for more
Did you enjoy this post about fixer upper marriage problems? We would love it if you can join our newsletter to always be updated with marriage and relationship advice! Just enter your name and e-mail below. As a free gift, we will be also giving you our e-booklet called “Grow Your Love”.
