4 Ways In Dealing With Different Priorities In A Relationship

When you get into a relationship, you have ideas about how things will turn out to be. You may have common interests and matching personalities, but in a few months or years, you might struggle from different priorities in a relationship. Has this ever happened to you?

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My personal story: Different priorities in a relationship

I think most couples, both married or dating, will notice that they have different priorities in life. For example, my husband values how he performs in his career and making money, while I value the upkeep of our home and maintaining a work-life balance.

Sometimes, he has so many tasks that he leaves some household chores undone and sets aside self-care activities. He takes pride in his work and commendations, and he is ready to sacrifice his physical needs to achieve great things in his career. I guess you could say he is a high performer and is doing really well for his position in the military.

On the other hand, he asks if I got any non-housework tasks done, such as getting clients and completing present projects. I easily get tired with housework that sometimes I set aside my work tasks in exchange for rest. After I left the Philippines, I prioritized caring for my family and establishing a work-life balance where I am fully hands-on with my husband and child while working from home.

So, I understand, these different priorities can cause friction in any relationship. Despite this, we have made things work and our marriage is thriving by the grace of God.

In 3 years of marriage, I realized that there is no use in bickering endlessly about how “you want things to be”. There is a better way to deal with different priorities in marriage, or even in a relationship. Below, I will be sharing the things I have learned on how to deal with having different priorities in a relationship.

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Different Priorities in a Relationship: How to Deal

Have an honest conversation about priorities

The first step in dealing with different priorities in a relationship is having an honest conversation. At this time, you need to sit each other down and talk about the things you value most in your marriage or relationship.

It is important to be transparent and honest at this time, as many of us would tend to say that we are prioritizing certain things but do not show it otherwise.

You can also discuss the things you think your other half is prioritizing and explain why you think so. Remember not say it in an “accusatory” way, but rather in a tone where you’re merely explaining what you have observed. To help in this, you can use “I” statements such as:

• “I feel like you’re prioritizing ___ because..”
• “I felt that ____ was prioritized over _____ because..”

Remember to back up your claims and do not be defensive when your significant other mentions some of these observations.

Practice humility and understanding

To balance each other’s priorities, the both of you should practice humility about the priorities you have laid down.

A verse in the Bible says:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience..” (Colossians 3:12)

If we claim to believe in God, our marriage should be filled with compassion, humility, and understanding. There is no need to “grab the upper hand”. Within reasonable means, we must be humble enough to also consider our significant others’ priorities as value them as much as we value our own.

Pray and realign

Of course, some of our priorities need to be realigned, both yours and your loved one. Praying is one way to receive clarity and guidance in this matter.

You can come to God as a couple and ask Him how He wants your priorities aligned. In many instances, God wants you to priorities your relationship with Him, your marriage, as well as your family and ministry. Any activities or decisions should be in congruence with these priorities.

There are also special cases where priorities need to be shifted, such as when someone is sick or an urgent matter has happened. In these moments, you need to practice patience and understanding until you get through challenging phases.

Repeat the process

No marriage or relationship is perfect. Expect that at some point, you will fall off the tracks. Thus, you would want to repeat the process all over again to communicate, understand, and realign your priorities when needed.

Just like knives, tools, and other equipment, we need constant refinement through God and each other. This refining process helps us become better in our roles as partners, spouses, parents, and other responsibilities we may have.

I hope you found this post helpful, and may your relationship be continually blessed despite different priorities.

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