How Can I Forgive and Forget the Past? Strategies that Help

Regret is a powerful emotion. You can be fine one day, and then you can find yourself stuck in a spiral of painful past memories. Some of us have moved on from the wounds and picked up our lessons, but some of us are still suffering from the pain of the past. Perhaps you have come to this post because you are asking yourself, “How can I forgive and forget the past?”.

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How can I forgive and forget the past: My personal experience

I admit that my younger self has made some bad choices in the past. Whether it’s words, actions, or decisions, there are some things I wish I could have done differently to avoid the pain. When the wounds were still fresh before, I often asked God “how can I forgive myself?” or “how can my future self forgive me?” and I often found comfort in the peace He gives and the words I read from the Bible.

Are you feeling stuck today about past wounds, whether it’s from bad choices or people who have hurt you? I would like to share some insights on how to forgive and forget, as you move forward in life.

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How can I forgive and forget the past: Insights that have helped me

Asking myself what I learned from the past

The past is a solidified event. We cannot do anything to change it, and constantly thinking about the “should have’s” and “could have’s” often leads to mental suffering. Instead of dwelling about how things should have been, ask rather what you have learned from the past.

The deepest pains I experienced growing up taught me many things. For one, it taught me to make better choices in the present and future. It also taught me to be wise. Some experiences taught me to assert myself on situations that call for it. Most of all, these experiences taught me to be closer to God and to know that He is an ever-present help.

You are human and so are people around you

Some past wounds can often be “blamed” on other people. I admit, there were times in the past where I felt bitter about certain people for the outcomes in my life. It was in time that I learned that bitterness is poison and the person that it affects the most is you.

If you are asking, “how can I forgive someone who hurt me?” What you can think about is knowing that you are human and so are the people around you. Everyone thinks and feels differently, even the people closest to you. They will do things based on their perspective, and most of it is out of your control. If someone has hurt you, oftentimes it is not a deliberate decision, but only a consequence of their actions.

I would like to state an example between a romantic relationship. Many times, unfaithfulness is not a result of wanting to hurt one’s partner. The pain of infidelity is often the result of selfishness of the person who cheated, and this is something beyond your control.

Learn how you can save your marriage (even if you are the only one who wants to) here.

Knowing that we all err helps us to forgive when it is needed, and to move on when it is necessary.

Looking ahead instead of behind

As I have mentioned, many people ask “how can I forgive and forget the past” bring themselves a lot of unnecessary pain and mental anguish. A way to take away that energy from looking behind is to look forward instead.

One of my favorite verses is written by the apostle Paul:

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

Paul could have easily dwelt in his past about being a murderer and a blasphemer of God. But his philosophy is to forget those which lie behind and reach unto things in the future because of his high calling from God. What a mindset!

This is something we can always instill in our life.

Know that you are a work in progress

It is also helpful to know that you will not stay feeling regretful, unless you choose to. Before, I often had thoughts about “how can I forgive myself for being a bad mother” and I was anxious about the words and actions I did as a parent.

The fact that you care and you question yourself means you are willing to improve and that you are a work in progress. Even in the midst of pain and regret, know that this is not the end, and there will always be a way forward if you choose to.

I hope these insights on forgiving and forgetting has helped you out.

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