Do you still recall your idea of marriage when you were single? People have different expectations of married life. Maybe as a child, you have always looked up to your parents’ marriage and dreamed as an adult that you would have that kind of marriage as well. However, reality hits you. You begin to ask yourself how to make marriage work.
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If you think you are in a bad phase in your marriage and want to give it up, let me tell you this: please don’t give up. Why? Because marriage is a beautiful thing created and designed by God. Everything that He created is good. Marriage matters to Him, as well as the people involved in it. It says in Mark 10:9:
“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Mark 10:9
There’s a quote that says, “It took two to get married but three to stay married, keep God in your marriage.” To know how to make marriage work, you go back to God’s design of marriage. He designed marriage to fulfill the need for companionship and to glorify Him.
The Truth About How to Make Marriage Work
How to make the marriage work is one thing, and knowing what the Scripture says about marriage is another thing. Staying married requires a lifelong commitment first to God and then to each other as husband and wife. What make marriage successful is that God is at the center of the relationship.
It also says in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Though it doesn’t say anything directly about marriage, married couples can all learn something from this verse. The two cords represent your bond as husband and wife. The third cord signifies God who sustains that bond.
Pursuing your spouse and building a stronger marriage is important. However, your relationship with God should be your number one priority because marriage apart from God will easily break apart.
How to make marriage work according to the Bible?
How to make marriage better with this in mind?
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Let me share with you 5 proven tips on what make marriage work based on the Bible.
How to Make Marriage Work: 5 Proven Tips
1. Always choose to love your spouse.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the Biblical definition of love. It is one of the most overused Bible verses but it speaks volumes when it comes to marriage. It teaches couples to not rely on feelings because it can lead to deception. A deception that can damage your relationship and how you work on your marriage.
Instead of focusing on your feelings, look back on your wedding vows. Imagine how happy your spouse was that day. It is what makes the marriage real.
In the Old Testament, God always brought up the covenant He made with His people whenever He dealt with them. Same with marriage, it is good to remind yourself of your wedding vows to one another. Because the moment you become married, you subject yourself to a lifetime commitment to your spouse.
Choosing to love your spouse doesn’t mean you’ll blind yourself from his or her negative or toxic traits. The Bible says love bears all things, which means embracing all imperfections but making an effort to be a better husband and wife for each other.
2. Honor and respect your spouse.
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Romans 12:10
What make marriage last aside from love and commitment is having honor and respect for each other. When you honor and respect each other, it means you value one another. You give your best to your spouse because he or she matters to you. You invest yourself in that relationship because it has value to you.
3. Pursue intimacy with God before you pursue intimacy with your spouse.
“For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.”
Isaiah 54:5
Before pursuing an intimate relationship with your spouse, you need to be intimate with God first. Your relationship with Him is the most important one you’ll ever have in this lifetime. Even more important than your relationship with your spouse.
Your relationship with God affects all your other relationships. When you are far from God, you are far from His presence. You become weaker and more vulnerable to attacks of the enemy. When faced with marriage problems, you’ll more likely to react than to respond because you are not equipped with His Word.
Do you remember when Jesus was tested by the enemy? He answered back with Scripture because He knows it by heart. That’s how Jesus fought back. Same goes with marriage, you need to use Scripture to guard it against the enemy. This does not mean that everything will be smooth sailing. But, you can take comfort in that God will be the source of strength in your marriage and He will be the one to hold it together. As you and your spouse grow closer to God, you grow together as husband and wife.
4. Always find something captivating in your spouse.
“You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.”
Song of Solomon 4:9
Do you remember the first time you met your partner? What captivated you most about him or her? You may have been captivated by their looks at that time. However, looks fade, and the longer you’re in the marriage, the easier it is to notice imperfections. That shouldn’t always be the case.
There are a lot of things to be captivated in your spouse. It could be a part of his or her personality that you like, a special memory, or even something he or she does regularly yet you hardly even notice.
Take time to remember and appreciate those things. Even in the Psalms, David recalls the goodness of the Lord in his life. He was truly captivated by the beauty and character of God. That’s why he is called, “a man after God’s own heart.”
5. Communicate to God before you communicate with your spouse.
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:2
You must take out all your emotions and problems to God first before you talk to your spouse. Praying to God aligns your thoughts according to His will. It puts you in the right perspective. By praying to God, you will be able to deal more gently with your spouse and communicate properly with love and respect. Communicating properly also means being honest and transparent, not using manipulative tactics or passive-aggressive techniques.
Communicating with God also includes praying for yourself as a wife or husband and praying for your marriage and your partner. This will help to avoid fights from becoming bigger or issues to be blown out of proportion.
Marriage is more than just a contract. It is a special union between two people and for it to work, God must be at the center. Commitment in marriage begins when two people commit themselves first to loving God and glorifying Him through their marriage. And that’s where the good in marriage takes place.
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